What you experienced, especially so recently, is no doubt traumatic and upsetting–but please know if anyone considers you a fool, they are simply misinformed and ignorant to what psychosis feels like, is caused by, and even means. It doesn’t say anything about who you truly are; it is a condition, albeit a frightening and intense one, that you were afflicted with and treated for. You were at a hospital, which is something you should try not to be ashamed of. There is so much external stigma that we suffer from deep and painful internalized repression–and that’s in addition to managing our aftercare, recovery, and healing. I really think time helps heal that, or at least it did for me and I hope it will for you. I had suicidal thoughts and behaviors as well; I injured myself; I attempted to injure others. In short, I was NOT truly ME at my best and most kind, thoughtful, gentle (with myself and others) due to a malfunction that, thankfully, doctors understand a bit more about these days. A bit.

Are you aware of the reason you had a psychotic episode? This is a helpful means of healing too, I think, because then you truly know how to manage it, or what the red flags are. It’s true that there is an onset that isn’t ANYTHING like what can ultimately happen (the worst nightmare! I understand the TERROR). Please know I was VERY frightened ALL the time afterwards in so many ways…but gradually I got better in just as many ways. I only hope the facility you were in treated you well and gave you good skills to use on the outside AND that you are receiving follow up care from behavioral health specialists. Don’t go it alone. You are too unique, special, and valuable. You are no fool. You are a survivor. Be gentle with yourself and remember who you really, really are.

If you ever want to shoot me an email, please feel free. We are a community, and I am so grateful to you for sharing.

In solidarity and with hope and faith,
Alex